nine out of ten dentists recommend Colgate. the last one won’t stop recommending “the flesh of the innocent” and “thousands and thousands of skulls, staring, judging” and quite frankly we aren’t sure if he’s a real dentist or not
one day i’ll be really attractive and you’ll all be sorry
when you throw a surprise birthday party for your friend
just you wait for january 1st when everyone will be making text posts saying “it feels like 2013 was only yesterday!”
just wait
you know what i hate those fucking “things to say during sex” posts because my fucking boyfriend fucking actually says them do u kno what its like when u r trying to touch urself while someone whispers "olé"
omfG SO TODAY IN PHYSICS THIS GIRL’S PHONE WENT OFF AND HER RINGTONE WAS SHINE BRIGHT LIKE A DIAMOND AND MY TEACHER STOOD UP AND SAID TURN THAT THING OFF IF I HEAR IT AGAIN I WILL PERSONALLY TRACK DOWN RIHANNA AND EXPLAIN TO HER THAT DIAMONDS DO NOT SHINE THEY REFLECT
when a singer actually has an accent in a song you have to sing with that accent it’s just a rule ok
imagine if u could hear ur hair growing
you had me at “hello” and you lost me at “i think your friend is cute”
HOW DO CALCULATORS WORK WE INVENTED THEM WHY ARE THEY SMARTER THAN US
one day theyre going to make a city where there are no bugs and you better believe that i will be the first person to move there
