emmugh:

I like new friends because I can reuse old jokes

trait:

i’ve been meaning to go on a diet for about 5 years

foodchewer:

no one cares just reblog my selfie

asian:

*makes up for ugly face with semi-okay personality*

-annoying:

i want a hot body but i also want hot wings

telapathetic:

 *intensely doesnt care*

verticulars:

If you can’t deal with my sarcasm. I can’t deal with being your friend. 

crystuls:

perks of dating me: u will be the hot one

tom-spanks:

remember when u were like 11 and the only thing u wanted was a lava lamp

gaymzee:

no mom i already have a job its called being hardcore

h0odrich:

everything good makes you fat an addict or broke

supersmashthestatebros:

no Santa, they’re not gifts, they’re jifts.

kanyewestevil:

schools have stairs so you can throw yourselves down them

bullied:

too hot for ugly people too ugly for hot people

House phone: *rings*
Me: nah